Day 2

Day 2: Your Crush 


I really don't have a lot to write about this subject to be honest. A lot of people my age are getting married or engaged or knocked up. When exciting news spreads about my loved ones I could not be happier for them. When I see yet another post from my peers about their marital status, however, I have to admit, I do feel a bit like "I'm doing something wrong" ... but then I remember ... I am twenty one years old. I am FAR from ready to be married. I'm still in college, I still have life to live, things to see, people to meet, experiences to be had. Marriage is so far off my raider.  It will happen when it is ready to happen. When it is meat to happen. This is the time of my life to have fun, to enjoy life, to do things I'm never gonna be able to do again. To be free & careless (within reason). Of course there are people that perk my interest, but I know God has a plan for me. Right now it's my job to focus on school, and grades, and me. 

Recently there was a song I came across. It really hit me. Not only does this Tori Kelly have some amazing pipes, but the lyrics are SO true! There are definitely times in life when I wish I had a man by my side. But I also know myself well enough to know, I am NOT ready for someone either. At this point in my life I would be a horrible girlfriend. I am too consumed in my own self right now, figuring out who I am, what to do it in life. I don't have the capacity for another person. 

Right now I choose to focus on being the best version of myself and when I'm ready ... it will happen. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njmCUJ94lUM

Day 1

Day One: Your Best Friend 

It's hard to define what a best friend is to me.  I feel like my friends are constantly evolving, just as I am. There are days when I am closer to one friend than the other. There are some friends that I feel like "we are exactly the same" and there are other friends that we have very little in common... yet, I love them & value their friendship. That's the funny thing about friendship; I don't think there is one way to define what it is. For some crazy reason two people click on some level & the bound is strong enough to last for a moment in time. Sometimes that moment of time is a chapter of life; other times its a lifetime. 

Each of my friends bring something in life that I cherish ... 

Kate: 

I met Kate in the middle of our high school careers, although we had known of each other for most of our lives-- our moms are good friends. Kate & I had a mutual friend that we started hanging out with at the same time. At some point around senior year we started doing stuff together, and now here we are... friends.  So easy to talk to, laugh with, vent to, be with. Our minds are on the same wave length and that makes our friendship easy & refreshing. We have done a lot of growing up together and I pray that we continue to share life's ups & downs together! 

Michaela: 

Again, I met Michaela sometime in the middle of our high school career, although we had attended the same church for awhile. My first memory of hanging out with Michaela was at her senior prom. I went with a few mutual friends & we all ended up going as a group. Michaela & I spent most of the dancing portion of the evening sitting at our table laughing at our peers bumping and grinding inches a part from one another. When everyone left for "real college",  Michaela & I were the only ones left at MCC. We spent a majority of our time together at school, work, and church. There pretty much was not a day that went by we weren't together. We think the same, we do a lot of the same things, we work together, we are pretty much the same people. It makes our friendship easy & hard. The perfect mix. 

Alyssa: 

Oh Alyssa... my comic relief, my "go to bitch fit" girl, the life of the party! . Again, I had known of Alyssa for most of my life. Our lives intertwined from the very beginning. It wasn't until Kate & I became close friends that Alyssa popped into my life on a more permanent level. We are so different but secretly similar. I adore her craziness, her humor, her ability to listen and give the most unexpected, hilarious advice. When nothing seems to be going right, a simple text from Alyssa makes the day seem fine. 

Sam: 

I knew from the moment I met her we were destined to be friends. We were at the Willis twins' house. Everything about her screamed crazy & hilarious! I remember telling everyone that night as she left "I just met my new best friend" ... now here we are 5 years later roommates!!! We do a lot of great things together but the best and biggest thing is laugh ! Laughter is the foundation of our friendship & nothing can alter it.  Meeting your family & falling in love with all their craziness was just the icing on top of the cake! 

Ben: 

I've known him for 12+ years. We met when we were in fourth & fifth grade. Growing up together doesn't even begin to explain how much things have changed. We are different people from when we first met. It's been quite a journey together. Some of my hardest life lessons have come from or been experienced with him. We don't have to talk every day or week, but when we do talk it's like nothing has changed. It's t taken me a really long time to figure out how to be a friend to him, but after all this time, I think we figured it out and its SO worth it! I'm so blessed to have someone so honest & up front in my life. Most of my favorite memories in life are shared with him & I pray I can always call him friend. 

New Friends: 

Katie: 

Growing up she was always the girl that lived around the block. She was "Abby's friend". I heard stories about her and laughed. I was secretly afraid of ever meeting her. In the last year or so when we did meet I became incredibly thankful for her refreshing outlook on life, her passion to speak her mind with intelligence, her desire to help and serve, her humor, her vulnerability... everything about her is real & genuine. She has courage, bravery, and strength that I seek to follow. She may be only a few years older than me, but she feels like the "mother Teresa" of my life. 

 {I wish I had a better picture} 

Kimi: 

Another one of "Abby's Friends" ... one of the many face I met at country thunder a couple years ago. It wasn't until I started going to NIU that we became friends ... partners in crime. I can't imagine my NIU experience without her. She has made this crazy transition so much easier & happier. She is encouraging, sweet, friendly, inviting, and a great wine buddy. It's only been a short time that I've known her, and I feel like we are life long friends. I pray even after NIU we continue this bond we have 

There are so many people that I am blessed to call 'friend'... so many in fact, I can't even begin to list them all. The love I have for them, the memories we share together ... they all hold a special spot in my heart. The have defined me as a person, they have given me a strength when I need it, they have made me laugh when I wanted to cry, they have showed me I don't know everything, they have given me opportunities and outlets in life I never dreamed possible. Each and every friend has made me ... me.  

The one person who each and every day I call best friend is Abby Sue. I often think "if we were never neighbors we probably wouldn't be best friends" She is 3 years older and we are completely different. Yet, at the end of the day she is the one I call my "older sister"; the one I share good news with first; the one I confide in, in bad times; the one I can't wait to hang out with. If it wasn't for the fat chance we were neighbors while young I feel like my life would be completely different. And for that I am SO thankful... because without her I wouldn't have the inspiration I have, I wouldn't know that everything is going to be okay, I wouldn't have anyone to look to when I didn't know where else to look, I wouldn't have some of the friendships I have, I wouldn't know how to deal with some of friendships I did have... I wouldn't be Cayla without Abby. 

Abby: 

While my parents were starting out their lives together they moved into this small nasty house on Madison street. Next door was a 3 year old girl who was friendly as could be. When I came along she was instantly my best friend. And thats it. Thats how we met. That's how we became best friends. That simple. There wasn't a day that went by for eight years that I didn't see Abby. There isn't a childhood memory I have without Abby apart of it. We were creative, imaginative, and youthful. When I moved life seemed odd without her a hop and a skip away. But through church and just a love for each other we stayed close. I remember when I was in that awkward junior high phase of life ... I had just gotten an MSN messenger account. I was so excited to be finally entering the "internet world" ... I called Abby and asked her for her user name so I could add her. Now I look back at that and laugh at such a silly thing to do... but I was so excited to be able to do something "old" like Abby could. I was and have always strived to be like & do what Abby was doing. It was kind of that "annoying little sister" typing thing going on. There was definitely a time in our lives where we weren't as close. She was a young adult and I was still stuck in high school. We were learning, growing, and changing and couldn't really relate to each other. But I knew if I ever needed to talk anyone or ever needed anything, she would be there in a drop of a hat. And I never once stop looking up to her.  Now we are older and although our lives are in completely different stages  we are still able to share a friendship and a bound. She will forever be my best friend, my older sister, my inspiration, my role model. I'm excited to share all our happy and maybe not so happy moments together just like we have for the last 21 years!!! 

Thirty Day Writing Challenge ... Accepted

Being the pinterest junkie that I am, I came across a post for tumbler. I have never been a user of tumbler- just don't get it. But anyway, I thought I could adapt it to my blog. 30 days of writing about a specific topic. It could be a way to better my writing and to actually post more frequently. 

30 Days of Posting Topics: 

Day 1: Your Best Friend 
Day 2: Your crush 
Day 3: Your Parents
Day 4: Your Siblings 
Day 5: Your dreams 
Day 6: A Stranger 
Day 7: Your Ex-boyfriend/love/crush 
Day 8: Your Favorite Internet Friend 
Day 9: Someone you wish you could meet 
Day 10: Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to 
Day 11: A Deceased person you wish you could talk to 
Day 12: The Person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain 
Day 13: Someone you wish you could forgive 
Day 14: Someone you drifted away from 
Day 15: The person you miss the most 
Day 16: Someone's that not in your state/country 
Day 17: Someone from your childhood 
Day 18: The person that you wish you could be 
Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind- good or bad 
Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest 
Day 21: Someone you judged by their first impression 
Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to 
Day 23: The last person you kissed 
Day 24: THe person that gave you a favorite memory 
Day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of times 
Day 26: THe last person you made a pinky promise to 
Day 27: The friendliest person you know 
Day 28: Someone that changed your life 
Day 29: The person that you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to 
Day 30: Your reflection in the mirror 

Some of them are just stupid, in my opinion, so it may change when it comes to that day. But I'm excited for this challenge. 

New Year; Same Me

It's crazy how much evil and disfunction surround this world. It's even crazier to me how much it surrounds my own life. I take pride in the fact that I'm a very honest person. From my actions to my words, I don't have the energy or the capacity to fumble with the truth. What  I say is how I see it. Maybe my judgment or perception is off, but when I say I'm an open book, it's true. There is no guessing with me. To have someone call me a liar because they don't want to hear what's coming out of my mouth... really sets me back. I'm really sick of being judged for or talked down to because I do and stand for whats right to me. It amazes me how little respect and consideration is taken into account when making every day choices. Everyone feels like they are above the rules, like nothing applies to them cause "they got this". Yet, when shit hits the fan, they are the victims. My parents don't have all they have because they worked the bare minim and were handed everything. They made choices that bettered theirs & my future. They did what was right, they worked hard, they made sacrifices. They didn't drink or piss their paychecks away. They had respect for authority and sometimes they bit their tongue, took the bullet, did what they didn't want to do because at the end of the day it was the right thing to do.  The only person who can change your life is you. The only person who can make each day a good day, is you. The only way to turn your life around is by being honest with yourself. Life is hard, shit happens, but ultimately you are the only one to blame for it. You have choices in life, not always the most favorable choices, but you have them. You are the driver of your life. Stop blaming others, stop looking for excuses, stop looking for the easy way out, or for the thing that makes you happy and feel good. That's all bullshit. This isn't some cliche quote to inspire you. This is the cold hard truth from where I stand. I am physically sickened with the amount of drama, disfunction, abuse, evil, alcohol, fighting, and petty crap that surrounds people who have the potential to be great and do great things. I have an extremely blessed life because of the morals I have, because of the work ethic I have, because of the morals my parents have, and because of the work ethic my parents have. 2013 was an incredibly blessed year for me, and when it comes to life choices, I am pretty damn proud of most of them. I've done a lot of growing up this last year, a lot of changing. Not because I wasn't okay with the person I was before, no, but because that's life. Life is constantly evolving and as a young adult, you are constantly experiencing new things- learning and living. I am evolving as a person because a new ball was thrown into my court. A lot of people have new year resolutions... I've never played into that game because I think every day is a new start. Every moment is a new moment to make newer and better choices. Every experience is one to live through and learn from. So, no I will not set a resolution for this next year. I will say this though. I am going to focus on not enabling people. Not feeling bad for situations people find themselves in. To stop feeling the pressure of saving people. Not to so easily buy the bullshit that's being fed. Instead see the good that is in people- great or small. Except that not everyone is going to stand up for what is right or even stand up for themselves. People are going to make choices that will contradict what I believe in. People are going to disappoint me. Some will never have the courage enough to change. But at the end of the day, my life is good because of the choices I've made. I won't apologize for my choices or my success. I won't try to hide my life out of fear someone may get offended. My life is good because I choose to make it good, not because I was "dealt a good hand". Life isn't about how successful you are, it's about how you take a bad situation and still come out on top. So in 2014 I'm going to keep moving forward, cause that's just what life is. A path , a trail, an obstacle. I'm going to keep moving forward, not getting held back by other's choices. My choices are my foot steps and my hurtles are those who I allow to stop me. Those who are with me at the end of the path are those who stood tall, and honest, and made choices for themselves rather then sit and sulk in the piles of shit known as life. 

October

It's been about a month since my last blog. 

Life at NIU has been great. It sure is a change. I still find myself thinking " Holy Moly, I am real college student" or "Wow, I really do live out on my own now". It amazes me how it really is happening and I am really doing fairly well.

Living with roommates has been an adjustment. I've had to learn to hold my tongue and learn when it is appropriate to say something. 

Overall, I've loved living on my own. I feel like I am an cleaner more organized person - even though I don't think I've ever struggled in that department. I have learned to appreciate the awesome home my parents have provided for me as well as the skills my parents, but mostly my mom, have taught me to stay clean and "adult like". 

I have been "home" a lot! I just can't seem to get use to not living in Woodstock. Thats where my family and friends are. That is my home. I will never not call Woodstock my home. And I pray that no matter where life takes me, I end up back in Woodstock at the end of each day, cause it is such a struggle not to be there. 

Because I have been home so much, I haven't had the chance to really "miss people" haha, although I would love to see the people I love MORE. That has been an adjustment, not seeing people AS much. 

The last two weeks I have gone home to work. And I will be doing the same this weekend. I can not stand not working. It really must be apart of my "Learman Make-up' cause I am going stir crazy not being able to work and make money. I feel like I am tied down not having an income. Although my financial situation is comfortable, I still enjoy being able to spend my money whenever I please without having to worry about where that money is coming from. I have a new understanding for those unemployed! 

My workout journey has been a roller coster like most! I was doing great this summer. When I moved it was a struggle to keep the momentum up! Just when I thought I was back into the swing of things,  I decided to jump back out of my comfort zone and meet yet again a NEW trainer. Now 4 weeks into it with him, I am so happy I made that choice. My nutrition as been back and forth. Honestly, my biggest obstacles are 1. eating breakfast every morning. I have never been a huge breakfast eater. I am not always hungry when I wake up, I don't leave myself enough time to eat, or I just really am not into breakfast foods. My trainer has explained to me how important it is to eat breakfast and now that I have been trying I see a huge difference. But it's not an obstacle I've conquered yet. Another challenge for me is drinks. Most people crave desserts, me however, I can't stay away from Starbucks & beer. Can you blame me? It's fall, what fall picture is not complete with out a cup of joe in hand? And um, excuse me, I just turned 21. Every weekend is a drinking weekend, right? ... wrong. I've had to learn to change my picture perfect life. I avoid Starbucks like the plague, unless I'm meeting fabulous people there. Then it's a valid reason to find a low calorie beverage to indulge in! I've managed to avoid the bars for the last two weekends, and will yet again succeed this weekend. But next weekend is the 2nd NIU home game, and you can bet your bottom dollar I not only will be attending the game, but a beer will be in my hand ... at all times... all day... Baby steps right? 

After high school I reap-idly said "Universities are not for me" or "college life will never happen for me" to my surprise, I was wrong.. shocker? I am so happy to say that this version of "college life" has been great and I am so excited to see what is yet to come! 

living to learn .... 

Enjoying the Ride

The fact that I have not blogged since February is ridiculous. My life has changed so much since then. 

First off in March, I met with an advisor at MCC to discuss what was next for me. Little did I expect for her to be printing off information about transferring to another school... I applied to Northern Illinois University on a whim. As my mom said " do it, what's the worst that could happen?" Two weeks after NIU received all my paperwork I got an e-mail informing me I had gotten accepted. It was actually on Easter, while my family & I were packing up our stuff at hotel in Los Angeles, California from out family vacation. 

Everything seems like a whirl wind from there. Two of my friends from MCC were also transferring to NIU in the fall & it just fell into place that we would find an apartment together. 

In May my parents & I drove the hour trip to NIU for orientation. I was filled with mixed emotions. I still felt like everything was happening too fast. This was far from my normal and change has always been hard for me. By the end of orientation I was signed up for classes 

Summer is always a crazy, but enjoyable time for me. My parents surprised me with a big 21st birthday party where all of my friends & family joined us! It was truly one of the best moments of my life and I am so thankful to have those memories. 

 I headed off to Country Thunder with my best friend, Abby Sue, mid-July. It was an entirely different experience from the previous year. I loved every moment of it and it is something I will forever be reminiscing about! 

Somewhere in there I received a note in the mail from Abby, asking me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. That too is moment I will always remember. She had asked me if I had gotten anything in the mail, and another friend of her's that was asked to be in the wedding had put something on facebook, so I had a hunch I was going to be asked to be in the wedding. Never ever ever did I expect to be asked to be the MOH! I remember my jaw literally dropping & I thought I was going to cry. I was so floored and excited! This next year is going to be so much fun helping my "older sister" plan her big day! 

End of July I signed a lease for a townhouse in DeKalb. Everything from there till now seems like a blur. I've been on my own for three weeks now. I wished and hoped to be out of my parents house for so long, that its surreal that it's actually happen. The fact is, living on my own and being responsible for  household responsibilities isn't as scary as I thought. It's been strangely easy to make sure everything is is clean, in order, presentable, and paid.  

This new experience has taught me so much about myself in such a short time. For one, it taught me how much I really do appreciate my parents. Their help financially, emotionally, and physically has blessed me beyond belief. My parents have always been long time thinkers. They made decisions when I was a baby that are now tremendously paying off. 

Never in a million years did I think moving out would be so hard emotionally. I've been home twice since I moved and every time I have to say good-bye I choke up and get teary eyed. I know it's not really good-bye, for real, I live 60 minutes away. But it's a change not to be waking up in the room I spent 12 years of my life in. It's hard knowing that when I walk out that front door, I'm not gonna be in a town I literally was born & raised in. It's crazy to think that if something happens, there is still 60minutes between me & the people I love. It's made me appreciate my family so much more then I ever thought could or would happen. 

Because of the move and the change to a four year university, I am no longer really working. The plan is to occasionally work on weekends, and I have jobs already lined up, but life seems extremely boring when you go from working 45+ hours a week to working none. Saying good-bye to my babysitting families was hard. I cried with every good-bye that came. Again, I know it's not good-bye, but these people became apart of my daily and weekly life. They were my "normal" for three years! I had the privilege of watching these kids grow up! Life seems dull now with out them. 

Classes have been a change as well. My teachers are totally different then the teachers I've ever had! It also is a huge religious change. I went from a private school where we prayed before every class, to a school that NEVER dropped the word "God" or anything related, to a school that openly embraces diversity. Maybe it's the classes that I'm taking or the fact that I'm now in a new area, but each person's differences are openly discussed and welcomed almost in every class. It's been an eye opener to the "real world". 

Another huge change that as come my way is the journey of loosing weight. A week after my birthday my family & I joined anytime fitness. Since then I have lost 25lbs & 12inches. I was going strong all summer. Recently, I've struggled with getting to the gym in a new town and I still have not brought myself in to meet the new trainer, but I refuse to let this new routine fall to the waste side. It feels good to work hard, eat healthy, and physically & emotionally feel like a new person. My goal is to drop several dress sizes by the time Abby's wedding rolls around. But not only that, I want to be confident in the way I feel and carry myself. I've never been shy person or allowed my weight to hold me back. But now that I fighting against my weight, I see how it has held me back with out me even knowing. I refuse to allow that to continue. I want to be healthy, fit, and active. I want to live life to the fullest, I want live up to what I am MADE to do & be! 

Life has given me some unexpected changes in the last 6 months. I've managed to put my anxiety and worries aside and so far have enjoyed the ride. I'm excited to see what's in store next! 

The Best is Ahead

It's been almost two months since my last entry. Kind of disappointed in myself, but truthfully, not much to write about. Life has been strangely, normal. I go to school, I work, I try to stay organized. There has been a lot of work lately, which I am so incredibly thankful for. In the last couple of weeks, however,  it has left me missing my friends... a lot. Once again, it is a valuable lesson in scheduling for me. Although I love working and dedicating a majority of my life to working, I still have a need for "friend time". Organizing myself so that I have a few days completely and totally off from school and work is a necessity so that I can unwind and laugh with some of the most important people in my life. 

I thank God every day for the people, the moments, the opportunities that have come my way in life. I am beyond blessed and my hope is that I use these blessings, these gifts, these advantages to get a head in life, to better myself, to become independent. But also to touch another person's life, to give them a blessing, to do on to others what others have done on to me. Although I am young, and {hopefully} have many years ahead, I feel the clock ticking. Not in a bad sense, but in a I am becoming an adult. There are moments in a day where I find myself completely shocked how "adult" I sound. No doubt about it, I have a long way to go, but slowly, the best days are ahead. 

Living to Learn...