Friendships

Today was a hard day, and tomorrow is going to be even harder.


My friend Ali leaves for college. I am beyond excited for her to go off to EIU. She has huge opportunities ahead of her & I am so proud of how hard she has worked.


I however HATE that she is leaving me! In no way does the college experience sound thrilling to me just yet. MCC sounds great, well I'm a tad nervous now, but thats natural. It just sucks that she is leaving.


I'd like to dedicate todays blog to Ali!


It was junior year. I was really good friends with Luke. I decided to meet up with Luke at their High School's Homecoming game. I went, found Luke in the stands, and he was with a group of his friends. He introduced me to Ali and several others (like he did every gathering I joined him at). She seemed nice, but that was it. All I knew about her was Luke had a crush on her. Well the year continued & I every once in a while saw Ali at youth group or a gathering at Luke's house.


Senior year began and I went to yet another football game at North. Ali & I became closer and closer, eventually doing things on our own, or with other people besides Luke. I joined a Bible Study with her, and saw her every Wednesday & Thursday. I went to prom with her & some other friends.


This summer we became extremely close, we spent most days together, spending probably every other night over at someones house. (That would be our friendship in a nutshell)


Ali is my best friend. I have had a lot of good friends in my life, never a friend so genuine and concerned about me! And as odd as it sounds, never had I had such a great friend that is a female! Boys are easier to deal with (or so I thought..) Our friendship is one of those things you just know is going to last a while.


Because of Luke & now Ali, I have a lot of great friendships from North. People who I think I am going to have around for a while & can't wait to see succeed at college! Some are leaving, going to new places, starting a new chapter in their life book. Some are sticking around with me at MCC, starting slowly at this college thing (& cheaper ;) .


I think another huge part of adulthood is relationships. You have to decipher who is good, who is not so good, who you will hang around, who you only talk on Facebook, and who you kick to the curb! Just like my previous blog a few weeks ago, being an adult means de-bombing drama. Some people in your life are more drama then others. The only people you need in your life are those who care about you, who like you, and who want to spend time with you. {Now that is saying it in a simple way, all the complications fall under that.} But another huge part of friendship is you care about them, you like them and you want to spend time with them. I have recently learned that there is no such thing as a one sided friendship. Eventually you feel empty and worthless and it's just not true. 


I am super bummed about my best friend, Ali, leaving. It's going to be hard not to call her in the spur of the moment to hang out just because I have nothing to do. It's going to be hard not to have a random sleepover just because we want to. It's going to be hard not to see her every other day. But I know that with todays technology it's easy to stay in touch. Between Facebook, texting, and Skype, we will talk. But its a change, another change we are forced to go through as we transition from high school to adulthood. 


This change is opening a door for both of us. She is going to make lots of new friends at EIU, as am I at MCC, or at least I'm going to have the chance to make existing friendships stronger. But the beauty of finding a best friend is that no matter the distance, the time, or the situation, when the two unite it picks right up where it was left off. 


I will always consider David my best friend,  and I pray with all my strength that one day soon I will be able to be contact with him again. But the Lord works in crazy ways, Ali came along in my life at the perfect moment and here today I am dedicating a blog to her. Saying "See you Later" tomorrow is going to be so difficult, and I may even cry (God, I hope not) but the bottom lines is, tomorrow is just a beginning. One day she will be coming over to my new apartment, eventually, Lord willing, we will watch each other walk down the aisle, we will welcome each others children into the world, we will have memories forever. 


The dynamics of all relationships change, as life changes. But having good friends that stick by your side makes everything a whole lots easier. 


{To my Best Friend: Best of luck as you embark on this new journey. Don't let any boy break your heart, don't make stupid choices, enjoy the ride while you can, and keep my posted. Prayers of love flying your way. See you soon :) }

GOD is GOOD

Where to begin, 


Well, I feel inspired to write, but I'm not sure on what. 


Basically this next week is my last week of summer, the true and final good-bye to all high school connections. I start official college a week from today. 


It's also a hard week. Several of my good friends leave this week. It's sad and inspiring all in one sweep. 


Basically life has been good, and consistent. I'm excited to embark on the official college experience, start new things (other then college), explore new friendships, and take on more responsibility (but SLOWLY!). 


Lately I feel like I'm moving 100 mph, but really not doing anything worth while. I just purchased my first car (my goal for the summer, check!) which is a big accomplishment, but I'm talking WORTH WHILE! Something that makes an impact on someones life! I'm a future event planner, I'm use to planning something, taking on a new challenge and making my life ten times more crazy! That is when I thrive! God is working on something for my life,  I am just waiting for Him to reveal it to me. 


I'm ready for the challenge and the new experience. This is the moment I have been waiting for, that moment when all fear of growing up and embarking on this change dissolves. Now I'm sure that ugly head of fear will strike me again, but right now I'm ready for what God is preparing to through my way. 


Not a lesson, but the moment I've been waiting for. GOD is GOOD! 


til next time... 

Sweet Angels

I wrote this in my creative writing class over a year ago. 

r.i.p sweet angels: hope fuller, jacob elkin, caleb bond 

Why? 

Cayla Learman 

I sit in a cold and solemn room 

The only noise the peeping of machines 

I search the book I have hung onto for life 

Abraham lived a hundred and seventy-years 
He died at a good old age, full of years 


(I dream now, a celebration of birth 
Another year gone by 
I awake with a tear-soaked face)


Moses lived a hundred and eight years 
He lived and eventful and meaningful life 


(I glance at old pictures now-
Holidays and programs 
I toss them aside)


John the Baptist lived thirty years 
A God-sent messenger 


I stare at the tiny blessing lying in the room 
Motionless and dazed 
Why do I live on? 




Sorrow 
Cayla Learman 


Dedicated to those who have lost a love one 


I shift weight in bed 


The pillow wipes me tear stained face 


I drift back into dream land 


How do I let God have my sorrow? 


How do I let Him overtake this emptiness? 


I walk through the halls at work 


I see your face smile at me 


Like a cloud of dust it vanishes 


How do I not let this grief over take me?


How do I live in happiness and not sorrow? 


I blow out the birthday candles for you now 


A year has passed since you touched my skin 


I shed yet another tear 


When do I let go of the sorrow? 


When do I start living again? 


An image of His son on the cross flashes 


The son's hand reaches for me 


A smile spreads across my face 

Money Well Earned or Well Spent?

I currently sit in my friends garage, waiting for anyone, anyone to come and buy this CRAP!

We are having a garage sale. All three of us girls rummaged through our teenage rooms and weeded out the stuff that once held importance and now is just...tacky!  My friend's mom's boyfriend also put a TON of stuff in, so here we are with some decent stuff, some not so decent stuff. It's the 2nd day, we each made good money.

As I sit here it made me think about the importance of the stuff I have. At one point this purse was the "it" factor. I could not live without it! Now I'm selling it in a garage sale for .50 cents. Or the phone cases I got at the mall, you know those stands with the India salesman. They charge you 20$ for a case that seems like it's going to make your LIFE! Now here I am, I have four of them, that no longer fit my the phone I have, I'm about 60$ out, and selling them for .25 cents.

What was I thinking!?

My goal is to in a year move out of my parents house.  I want to get a year of college under my belt, figure out if I'm transferring schools, get a job, and make a move!  If I transfer then I could stay in a dorm, if I don't I could get an apartment with some friends. Either way the plan is to be out in a year. Obviously with a new room/house, new stuff comes. Already, even though its a year away, and no set plans are made, I'm excited about decorating and getting a new style.

Looking at the garage it looks like I through up a mess of tacky items, nasty jewelry, unfashionable purses and clothes, and most of all, A WASTE OF MONEY!

In High School I took a Consumers class. It really made me reconsider how I spend my money. It also made me make a plan of how I will spend my money as an adult. Now that I am working & it's my own money, I feel like a cheep-o, but I'm not gonna waste me money on unnecessary things!

This weekend's garage sale was a good lesson on how valuable my things really are, and what was/is necessary. As I slowly creep into adult hood I need to have a constant reminder that my money is not to be spent on worthless items, but rather on items that are needed and worthwhile. Otherwise in five years I will be here again, selling my crap!

living to learn....

The Deal

Hello Bloggers,


Well, tomorrow at 8 a.m. my family & I set out for Pittsburgh, PA. It's no ordinary family vacation - I am trying out for American Idol.


Never in my life would I ever being doing this without some kind of push. And that push would be Ben Sass. Yes, several other close friends and family have encouraged or brought up the suggestion, but in the end Ben is the one who finally pushed me over that last hurtle.


Back to Junior Year....


It was 2nd semester.  I was enjoying choir more then any other year before. We were all buzzing about the upcoming Musical. It had been announced that that this year we were putting on "Beauty & the Beast". It was a huge deal. There were several roles to fill, and only 40 some in the entire High School. Subtract the athletes,  and the kids who never do anything but come to school (if we're lucky), and we were down to like 25- 30 tops.


I had every intention on trying out for the play. Even though it was only Junior Year, I felt as if it was "my year".. {see older kid phobia blog}. I was going for "Mrs. Potts". Naturally I wanted to have a good time and rock the show too. Sooo, I wanted my friends. My friends were athletes. They played basketball non-stop and when they were not on the court, they were ... who knows. But the point was, not one of them were in choir and not one of them had interest in doing so. I had a little bit of a task ahead of me.


I talked a little "magic" and had most of them on board...all but one. Now one would think "eh, whatever, its only one. His lost.." but he was kind of a deal breaker. If he said no then the rest were sure to follow, despite mine and others pleas.


So that's when "the deal" came about... for months Ben had told me he was going to drag me down to the American Idol auditions, like it or not. I always just smiled and laughed it off knowing all too well he would never do so!


To be honest, I don't know who made "the deal" or how it came about, but one day at lunch it was made. If he tried out for "Beauty & the Beast", I did American Idol. Again, to be honest, when "the deal" was struck, in the back of my mind I had every intention of not fulfilling it.  But the news spread like wild fire and there was no turning back.


The summer following was rough one, but here we are. Senior year completed, started college, and here typing this blog- way too late and not at all prepared for the 8 a.m departure tomorrow. BUT, I'm holding up my end of the deal, just like Ben did.


Up until about an hour ago I was not excited. Trying out for American Idol was always just a "Child Dream" -you know how every little girl has a that dream to be a pop star. Well American Idol was my pop star dream. Something I thought I was capable of doing at the age of 10 {next Miley Cyrus or Justin Beiber} but it never happens, cause God has a different will for us all.


Now the bottom line is, who knows how far this journey will take me, who knows if I am really capable of going somewhere with the God given gift. What I do know is that I am about to embark on a new journey tomorrow. My future is up in the air and for once in my anxiety filled life- it's okay! All because of a deal made in a high school cafeteria,  I am about to take my singing to a hole new level.


It may not be easy, it may not be all the time enjoyable, but it will be a new journey, a new story, a new memory, new experience, and new lesson.


Tonight's blog was not about what I've learned, but what I'm going to learn. My future has been planned and planned again, but tomorrow it all ends and starts, all because of my friend.


On that note, I would like to thank all of YOU who have encouraged me and supported me in EVERY aspect of my singing journey. Without those pushes, encouraging notes, and constructive criticism I would not be where I am in my musical journey. And honestly, I probably wouldn't fulfilled "the deal". Everyone of you have played a HUGE role in my confidence in this God given talent and  given me the experience I have had thus far.  I know that every one of you will continue to be apart of this amazing journey.


This next week will be a whirl wind, I'll be sure to keep you all updated-- go add the "Cayla's American Idol Journey Update" on facebook! LOVE YOU ALL


Cayla Learman {future pop-star ;)}

Growing Up

Once again its been awhile since I last blogged. But life is busy, I have a routine and the result of upsetting that routine is not pretty!

Well before I reveal what I have learned in life recently, let me do some set up work.

I have always been a blunt person. It really is just a piece of my personality. Most of the time without even realizing it I tend to just speak what comes to mind, or what comes to every one's mind but they wont say it. A lot of the time it's not to be mean, it just happens (I may have a broken filter in the control center). Then there are times when I fully know what I am about to say, and how I'm going to say it. Those are the biggest up roars.

We all have triggers in life. Triggers within that are only set off by certain things. My 'things' - liars, idiots, laziness, and crap talking. I think to an extent those "things" are triggers for everyone, but for me its my top things. Imagine a caged gorilla being poked then somehow he realizes he can open the cage. its all over for the one poking him. Some lazy, lying, crap talking, idiot starts in with me and then I realize, I can talk back. It's all over.

From there- drama hits the fan and it just a headache.

Now to the lesson...

Recently some girl texted me yelling at me for talking crap and saying  I was lying .. what an idiot. At first I naturally wanted to just let her have it. But then like I was hit across the head  I realized, was it worth it? Was it worth the drama and the headache? No. I knew what I had done, and it wasn't bad. So explaining myself really wasn't worth the time.

A few days ago I reflected on how I had just ended the potential drama. Again like I was hit across the head  I realized what the expression "that is so high school pettiness" means.
(Now I realized I've only been out of high school for a few months, but really I think this college thing is getting to me)

Maybe this is a personal lesson, maybe it's a lesson that all high school graduates will eventually learn, but what I know is that I'm growing up.

The other night my best friends and I sat in one of their new campers. It was like 10 p.m and we (meaning them , I watched) had just finished blowing stuff up and were now just sitting and chatting. I realized how easy it was. There was no drama going on with us or around us. We were just sitting on a nice summer night, happy to be with each other.

Being blunt is something I will always be. Honesty it a piece of me, I can't stomach lieing. And telling people I don't understand if they are being dumb or funny is just how I function. But I think that learning when and how to be blunt is the key to growing up. I'm not naive to the fact that drama is going to hit the fan in all stages of my life, but hopefully I will be able to handle it in a way that sets off the littlest uproar - opposes to the biggest (my normal route).

Lately I have felt as if I am living as an adult. I work so many hours a week, I go to class so many hours a week, and I study so many hours a week. When I'm not doing one of the three I'm sleeping. That leaves little time for my friends, or social life, which goes against everything I have always been. It takes lots of planning and effort to go see a movie with a group of people. But what I have realized is that I'm not living like an adult, I am adult now. I have to find the balance of working and class to seeing the people I love. Even with the constant commitments I am enjoying my summer and the baby steps I am taking into adult life.

is this what adults look like?! :)

living to learn ...

Big Changes ; Big Chances

It has been a while since I last blogged. Boy, has a lot happen!


I went on my trip to West Virginia. I started packing the night before we left at like eleven o'clock. Big mistake, because I was up early to finish packing and then left to meet the group off of HWY 12. The entire time before we met them I was in a horrible mood, sassing everyone and everything possible. Even once I got in the car with the group and headed to Indy I was still very cranky. It wasn't until we got to the awesome hotel that I finally let go of my poor attitude.
The trip to my surprise was a blast. We did a lot of things that I had no desire to ever do before. If I had to take the trip all over again I would.


After we returned from our trip we had a week off. I spent my time sleeping in and then heading up to FCS a couple times to finish up projects. That week over all was really difficult. My closest friends are all younger then me. They were in school and I was not. I pretty much turned into this obsessive freak with them. I would meet them in the parking lot after school let out, call and text any moment I could ,and probably more creepy stuff I didn't even realize. The facts are  I felt left out because I was no longer in high school- something I really didn't want- and because I had nothing to do to distract myself- something very odd for me.


Friday finally did roll around and Senior Chapel was on. It meant  so much for me to be able and sing in the worship group for my very last high school, Faith Christian School chapel. That was a moment I have thought about since entering high school. For it to actually to be happening was a little bitter sweet. It was like I had reached the end of the tunnel to see an empty field on the other side, not the glorious valley I had expected.


That same Friday was Awards Night. Like every awards night I had attended, my group of friends and I sat in the back, talking and goofing off the entire time. The same people got called up for the academic awards- which is good because they earned it, but annoying because it takes two hours to hear it. Then the Character awards came up. It was nearing the end of the program and we were all ready to get out of there. As Mr.Skrede got up to define and annoucne the awards I personally tuned out. I was interested in who won them, proud of them for what they have shown to the faculty, but ready to go home. Mr. Skrede explained to everyone what the Joshua award was and then ... called my name. I was grateful and excited to have been thought of in such a way. After accepting the award I realized that the Miss. FCS award was next. I was curious to see who won the award. I was actually talking to Ben when I heard my name called. He started clapping and told me to get up. It took me a moment to realize that I was being called again, but this time for the Miss. FCS award. To be recognized in such a way was and is an honor! And something that I take pride in and hope that even as a college student and adult I continue to bring that title justice.


The following day was graduation. It was a busy morning, so the fact that I was graduating from the school I have been at for 8 years didn't sink in until I was sitting in the school library waiting for us to line up. It was odd to be standing in a cap and gown saying good-bye. I never expected to be emotional. In fact I held it together pretty well in my speech until I got to the part on Mrs. Sass. I sucked it up and kept reading... then my speech ended. Alright, no tears. Just have to present the scrapbook to the Yorgeys and done. Well, as I explained to the audience what it was, and why I was giving him it, I lost it. Throat tight, tears flowing.
I managed to gather myself and prepare for my song. I was nervous about my song. I put this pressure on myself to go out with a bang. To show all those people who had doubts or never heard me, know I could sing. After I got done I realized it didn't matter. I could have sang my heart out or just mum med a little tune. I was happy with it, and that's all that mattered.


To be apart of such a great school is one of my proudest traits. I'm not going to hide the fact that there were people there that pissed me off, rules that I disagreed with, and days I wanted to be "normal" and go to public school. But in the end those people I couldn't stand taught me that the world is full of those worthless people. Those rules I disagreed with taught me to suck it up and listen to it anyway. Those days I wanted to leave made the good days that much sweeter. But over all , all those moments were over powered by the amazing people there. The amazing teachers and friends I have out of it. The experiences I had trumped all those annoying rules and bad days. When people say that high school is the best days of your life, it is beyond true!


The days after graduation were difficult. Again my friends were still in school and I had nothing to do. The freakish obsessive Cayla came out. But each day it got a little better.


Today I have officially been a college student for a week. All my graduation festivities have come and gone, I have been babysitting non stop, and have completed two out of 16 classes.
The college environment is all together different. I don't know every teacher, I don't know every students story. But then again, they don't know me either. I have the chance to re-write my story. As I zoned out the other day in Math class I realized however that yes, I am going to change. I am growing up and am in a entirely different world. But over all I'm happy with the person I am. I realize now that MCC is not FCS. They are completely different places- have nothing in common, and no connections. Except for one thing- me.


I have been blessed to have been able to attend FCS. The people, experience, and environment has had a huge role in shaping who I am. As I embark into this unknown journey I have the chance to take a little bit of what FCS represents and spread it. Take it on to the people I encounter and the things I do while at MCC. To have that opportunity is the least I could do to give back.


So much as happened, and so much more will this summer.
Until next time ...