6 Weeks

Man, it's been a while since I have last blogged! 


Lots has happen since my last entry, but I couldn't even begin to pick up where I left off, so I'm not going to try, hah :)


As for updates,


-My first blog was about the "iPhone Battle", well I feel as if I need a refreshment. I may have an addiction to expensive things, my list keeps getting bigger and bigger, more expensive and more expensive. And I am dying for a smart phone. It seems every where I turn someone else is getting a smart phone. DARN THEM :) But I keep telling myself, I don't need it. Maybe one of these days I will believe it. 


-Almost a year ago, I started another blog. I only had three entries & they weren't very good. So eventually I never picked it up again. When I created 'Living to Learn' for a creative writing assignment somehow my e-mail connected my old blog to the new one. I really hope I deleted it right, cause it is awful! I bring it up, however, because two of my three entries were about my friend David! He has always been my best friend- well since 6th grade-. We did everything together, talked everyday, saw each other everyday, spent the weekends together. We were truly 2 peas in a pod. Then with a series of complicated, unexplainable, and shocking events- this is the story shortened- we were no longer allowed to communicate. It was a life changing experience. I remember talking about it with the amazing Mrs. Curry. She said to me "It's like you are dealing with a break-up". Those words stuck with me the rest of the year, it really was a break-up. A break-up David & I had no control over. Anyway, not to go on and on about last week's news :).. David turned 18 & we are able to talk again, well not sure if we are able, but we are :). It has been great. We are both starting college, and slowing catching each other up on our senior years. 


The other night we skyped for the first time. It was the first time in a year that I heard his voice. Naturally, I expected some awkwardness, it's been a year! But believe it or not, it was as if a year hadn't  past. We were talking and laughing like we had just seen each other the other day. When I first opened the skype call, I couldn't see him- the screen was black. I was trying to explain it to him "David, you are ... you're .. black" .. "Really, Cayla? We are starting the conversation off like this" (David is black, hah!).  Even though David is miles away in Seattle, I am ecstatic to know that him & I are back. Even though it's not the normal we use to know, even though the chances of me seeing him in person anytime soon is slim to none, I am happy to say my friend is back in my life, and I am back in his. 


-Since my last blog, I have gone to EIU to see my other best friend, Ali! That trip in itself deserves a blog! It taught me a lots, besides having a blast visiting her and others. Ali's sister, Bianca, and I went to  EIU over Labor Day weekend. We left on Saturday and made four hour trip down to Charleston, IL. Holy Macaroni! I learned two things on that drive; 1. Rt 47 is a VERY long road. 2. IL really does have LOTS and LOTS of corn. Finally after hours in the car, looking at nothing but CORN, we made it to EIU. The three of us girls had a great weekend. We spent one night at U of I with our friend Steph, and then making a trip down to SIUE, to see our friend Luke. 


While visiting the three friends, they of course showed off their dorms and campus. I spent one weekend in a dorm, and if I had it my way, that is the only time I will spend in a dorm. I use to think living in dorm would be fun, exciting, something new to decorate. I guess I learned more about myself that weekend. It just isn't as glorified as I played it up in my head to be. I plan on transferring, but not into a dorm, I will find an apartment. 


-Since I have started classes, I have had to drop one. Yes, you guessed, I dropped my world religions class. That professor expected a lot, and going to school everyday plus working at nights really left little time for me to put the right amount of work in. And yes, I was a little chicken. But by dropping that class I learned a lot. I learned that I'm not going to try and rush a two year degree into one year. Yes, it can be done, and if I wasn't working so much, I think I could do it. But after going to EIU and experiencing just a sliver of what real college life is like, I know I am not ready to rush things. 


Since dropping that class, things have been easy. I was almost waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am in week 6 of college and I am just NOW getting homework. I know people stressing out, hard core, because of the amount of papers and reading. I am just now getting papers  and heavy readings assigned and even that isn't too much to ask from me. I really feel that FCS prepared me for the work load college was going to through my way. And I put very little effort into high school, those of you who put your everything into high school, college should not be that stressful, yet. And let me just say this for those of you thinking "it's community college, what do you expect?", FALSE! I talk regularly to  the valedictorian of my graduating class, who went on to a university, she too feels it is not that difficult or over whelming. But we both agree, it's only the first semester of freshman year! 


-A majority of my friends are away at school now. Ali & Bridgette are at EIU, Steph at U of I, Luke at SUIE, Annie somewhere in Chicago, Kate somewhere in Naperville, Alyssa somewhere in Minnesota but a few are still here at MCC. I have spending lots of time with Sam, Michaela, Rachel, and Nate. The ironic thing about this group of people above is I didn't graduate with them, I haven't known them for years. Yes, some of them I have known since freshman year, but a majority of them I just started hanging out with over junior and senior year. I feel so welcomed into their group, and as corny as it sounds, these are the people I see myself with in ten to twenty years from now! It is beyond annoying that they are off at college and we are all apart, but the great thing about having such an awesome group friends is, you know the minuet they get back into town we are all going to have a great time, as if no time has passed :) 


-As of my relationships with people I went to school with, its pretty simple. A few years ago my dad had a school reunion. Him and my uncle (who graduated in the same class) didn't go. When people asked why they responded "The people I want to see, and really care to know what is going on in their lives, I already see. All the others don't matter to me." That really is how it is with me, already- it hasn't even been 6 months. I have made the occasional trips up to FCS, it's easy now because my sister is still there, but really the only people  I talk to are the people I see outside of school. 


My graduating class does have a Facebook page, and I try to post comments to get us all talking, even if we are miles away. But I think that is as far as it will go, we never got along in high school, what makes us think we will now, it has only been 6 months! :) Last Christmas we did talk about getting together again at Christmas, when we are all home from college. At the time I thought that was crazy, why would I want to see these people after high school. Now, however, I think I may try to organize that. Even if some of us hated each other, or still kind of do, we are a family of some sort. We grew up together through jr. high and high school. An occasional get together will not kill us, plus it's always fun to what Melissa brings for the white elephant game! Who knows, I may try to organize it, and remember why I thought the idea was crazy. 


- Overall the first six weeks of college life have been fun and enjoyable. I've learned some things in life and in school, after all, I'm living to learn :) 

until next time ...

New Routines, New Responsibilities, New Goal

As of right now I have finished my first week of the Fall Semester at MCC. 


Monday morning I drove to MCC, arriving at 9:30 a.m. Boy, did I hit the busy time! The parking lot was jammed back, they even had a traffic director. I parked way out in Timbuktu & started walking into Building B for my Music Appreciation class ( MUS 151). It was a typical music class, a very energetic teacher, excited about anything musical! The class was dismissed an hour and twenty minuets later. It was like I was at a completely different school. The hallways that were jammed full when I made my way to my first class were now walkable, only a few students sitting on the benches on the side of the halls. I was later told the 10 o'clock class starters are one of the busiest times at the school. I made my way back to Timbuktu for my yellow car! I had a few hours to kill before my 2nd class. I found my mom in town & went out to lunch. 


Once back at MCC at 2 o'clock I parked, this time so much closer, and made my way to Building A, floor 3. I walked into my Comp 1 (ENG 151) class and took a seat. Instantly I was struck with nerves. English has never been my strong suit, and looking at the teacher, she looked tough. My Music class didn't scare me with the expectations and work load, I felt as if my English was going to make up for that. The class begun, and what do you know, I was wrong. My English teacher is hysterical! I absolutely love her, and look forward to that class the most, shocking! After the class was let out I made my way to the parking lot, you see on my way into English I had a spaz-out-moment, and dropped my keys in my car. Then locked it. Smooth move, ay? Luckily my mom met me in the parking lot at 4p.m to give me the spare keys. I swear, God is laughing pretty hard at the fact that this FORD is giving me some trouble. 


After I corrected the key situation I made my way to building A, floor 2. I had math. Now normally I would be terrified at math, but because of a summer Math class I took, it was smooth rolling. I was shocked by the amount of kids in my class, but other then that, it was math. I was let out at 6:20 p.m & headed home. I had made it through my first full time college day. 


Tuesday afternoon I started yet another class. World Religion (PHI 261) I was looking forward to it the most. Once seated and handed the syllabus, I chocked. The biggest part of the class: interviewing a religious leader of a belief that you don't practice. After lots of encouragement, and suggestions I am now very excited about it, but I did find a class that would make up for the lack work I was given in the other three classes. Lots of expectations. 


A few blogs ago I talked about how I felt God was getting me ready for big things, like He had a challenge in store for me. I think this class is my challenge! As soon as I got the syllabus I thought to myself "I'm dropping this class! There is no way I am doing this!" The more class went on and the more the (very interesting) professor kept speaking and explaining, I realized this could be a very good opportunity for me. In the beginning of the summer I explained how much I loved FCS, what they had done to shape me, and how I felt I could take a bit of FCS and spread it at MCC. I think this class offers me an opportunity to spread FCS. 


Wednesday & Thursday repeated Monday & Tuesday. Now today, Friday, I started another class. Intro to Sociology ( SOC 151). I assumed because it was a Friday morning class that was three hours long, it would be fairly empty. Boy, was I wrong again. 36 kids! That is almost four times my graduating class! Anyways, again, it seems very interesting & I'm excited to dig in. 


Overall my class loads are not un-doable, and I am looking forward to it. Now talk to me in a few weeks when they are all in full swing, ha! 


In between all my classes I have committed to a few consistent babysitting jobs, with the occasional sporadic jobs. I feel like I have been going 100 mph and I am loving it. 


I suppose the lesson I learned in the last week is God has a plan. Junior Year when our guidance counselor started talking about College and our plans I freaked out. I wanted nothing to do with College. I was happy in High School, why would I want to grow up and be given more responsibility? As each month went by through out my Junior and Senior year I became more and more open to the College idea. God as a timing for everything, He has plans to prepare us so that when the time comes we are more then ready to embark on the new journey/ challenge.  


My next goal is to get a more consistent job rather then babysitting (hopefully I still have enough time to fit in all my wonderful families!) so that I can start saving money. After a I budget myself with a consistent income I plan on finding a few roommates and moving into my own apartment. I want to have a great educational journey at MCC, putting in more effort then High School and having great grades. In a year from NOW, I hope I will be writing about my new apartment & new experiences. As much as my goals frighten me, I know that God will give me the strength, knowledge, and opportunities to make these goals happen when He wants. Thanks be to God. 

Friendships

Today was a hard day, and tomorrow is going to be even harder.


My friend Ali leaves for college. I am beyond excited for her to go off to EIU. She has huge opportunities ahead of her & I am so proud of how hard she has worked.


I however HATE that she is leaving me! In no way does the college experience sound thrilling to me just yet. MCC sounds great, well I'm a tad nervous now, but thats natural. It just sucks that she is leaving.


I'd like to dedicate todays blog to Ali!


It was junior year. I was really good friends with Luke. I decided to meet up with Luke at their High School's Homecoming game. I went, found Luke in the stands, and he was with a group of his friends. He introduced me to Ali and several others (like he did every gathering I joined him at). She seemed nice, but that was it. All I knew about her was Luke had a crush on her. Well the year continued & I every once in a while saw Ali at youth group or a gathering at Luke's house.


Senior year began and I went to yet another football game at North. Ali & I became closer and closer, eventually doing things on our own, or with other people besides Luke. I joined a Bible Study with her, and saw her every Wednesday & Thursday. I went to prom with her & some other friends.


This summer we became extremely close, we spent most days together, spending probably every other night over at someones house. (That would be our friendship in a nutshell)


Ali is my best friend. I have had a lot of good friends in my life, never a friend so genuine and concerned about me! And as odd as it sounds, never had I had such a great friend that is a female! Boys are easier to deal with (or so I thought..) Our friendship is one of those things you just know is going to last a while.


Because of Luke & now Ali, I have a lot of great friendships from North. People who I think I am going to have around for a while & can't wait to see succeed at college! Some are leaving, going to new places, starting a new chapter in their life book. Some are sticking around with me at MCC, starting slowly at this college thing (& cheaper ;) .


I think another huge part of adulthood is relationships. You have to decipher who is good, who is not so good, who you will hang around, who you only talk on Facebook, and who you kick to the curb! Just like my previous blog a few weeks ago, being an adult means de-bombing drama. Some people in your life are more drama then others. The only people you need in your life are those who care about you, who like you, and who want to spend time with you. {Now that is saying it in a simple way, all the complications fall under that.} But another huge part of friendship is you care about them, you like them and you want to spend time with them. I have recently learned that there is no such thing as a one sided friendship. Eventually you feel empty and worthless and it's just not true. 


I am super bummed about my best friend, Ali, leaving. It's going to be hard not to call her in the spur of the moment to hang out just because I have nothing to do. It's going to be hard not to have a random sleepover just because we want to. It's going to be hard not to see her every other day. But I know that with todays technology it's easy to stay in touch. Between Facebook, texting, and Skype, we will talk. But its a change, another change we are forced to go through as we transition from high school to adulthood. 


This change is opening a door for both of us. She is going to make lots of new friends at EIU, as am I at MCC, or at least I'm going to have the chance to make existing friendships stronger. But the beauty of finding a best friend is that no matter the distance, the time, or the situation, when the two unite it picks right up where it was left off. 


I will always consider David my best friend,  and I pray with all my strength that one day soon I will be able to be contact with him again. But the Lord works in crazy ways, Ali came along in my life at the perfect moment and here today I am dedicating a blog to her. Saying "See you Later" tomorrow is going to be so difficult, and I may even cry (God, I hope not) but the bottom lines is, tomorrow is just a beginning. One day she will be coming over to my new apartment, eventually, Lord willing, we will watch each other walk down the aisle, we will welcome each others children into the world, we will have memories forever. 


The dynamics of all relationships change, as life changes. But having good friends that stick by your side makes everything a whole lots easier. 


{To my Best Friend: Best of luck as you embark on this new journey. Don't let any boy break your heart, don't make stupid choices, enjoy the ride while you can, and keep my posted. Prayers of love flying your way. See you soon :) }

GOD is GOOD

Where to begin, 


Well, I feel inspired to write, but I'm not sure on what. 


Basically this next week is my last week of summer, the true and final good-bye to all high school connections. I start official college a week from today. 


It's also a hard week. Several of my good friends leave this week. It's sad and inspiring all in one sweep. 


Basically life has been good, and consistent. I'm excited to embark on the official college experience, start new things (other then college), explore new friendships, and take on more responsibility (but SLOWLY!). 


Lately I feel like I'm moving 100 mph, but really not doing anything worth while. I just purchased my first car (my goal for the summer, check!) which is a big accomplishment, but I'm talking WORTH WHILE! Something that makes an impact on someones life! I'm a future event planner, I'm use to planning something, taking on a new challenge and making my life ten times more crazy! That is when I thrive! God is working on something for my life,  I am just waiting for Him to reveal it to me. 


I'm ready for the challenge and the new experience. This is the moment I have been waiting for, that moment when all fear of growing up and embarking on this change dissolves. Now I'm sure that ugly head of fear will strike me again, but right now I'm ready for what God is preparing to through my way. 


Not a lesson, but the moment I've been waiting for. GOD is GOOD! 


til next time... 

Sweet Angels

I wrote this in my creative writing class over a year ago. 

r.i.p sweet angels: hope fuller, jacob elkin, caleb bond 

Why? 

Cayla Learman 

I sit in a cold and solemn room 

The only noise the peeping of machines 

I search the book I have hung onto for life 

Abraham lived a hundred and seventy-years 
He died at a good old age, full of years 


(I dream now, a celebration of birth 
Another year gone by 
I awake with a tear-soaked face)


Moses lived a hundred and eight years 
He lived and eventful and meaningful life 


(I glance at old pictures now-
Holidays and programs 
I toss them aside)


John the Baptist lived thirty years 
A God-sent messenger 


I stare at the tiny blessing lying in the room 
Motionless and dazed 
Why do I live on? 




Sorrow 
Cayla Learman 


Dedicated to those who have lost a love one 


I shift weight in bed 


The pillow wipes me tear stained face 


I drift back into dream land 


How do I let God have my sorrow? 


How do I let Him overtake this emptiness? 


I walk through the halls at work 


I see your face smile at me 


Like a cloud of dust it vanishes 


How do I not let this grief over take me?


How do I live in happiness and not sorrow? 


I blow out the birthday candles for you now 


A year has passed since you touched my skin 


I shed yet another tear 


When do I let go of the sorrow? 


When do I start living again? 


An image of His son on the cross flashes 


The son's hand reaches for me 


A smile spreads across my face 

Money Well Earned or Well Spent?

I currently sit in my friends garage, waiting for anyone, anyone to come and buy this CRAP!

We are having a garage sale. All three of us girls rummaged through our teenage rooms and weeded out the stuff that once held importance and now is just...tacky!  My friend's mom's boyfriend also put a TON of stuff in, so here we are with some decent stuff, some not so decent stuff. It's the 2nd day, we each made good money.

As I sit here it made me think about the importance of the stuff I have. At one point this purse was the "it" factor. I could not live without it! Now I'm selling it in a garage sale for .50 cents. Or the phone cases I got at the mall, you know those stands with the India salesman. They charge you 20$ for a case that seems like it's going to make your LIFE! Now here I am, I have four of them, that no longer fit my the phone I have, I'm about 60$ out, and selling them for .25 cents.

What was I thinking!?

My goal is to in a year move out of my parents house.  I want to get a year of college under my belt, figure out if I'm transferring schools, get a job, and make a move!  If I transfer then I could stay in a dorm, if I don't I could get an apartment with some friends. Either way the plan is to be out in a year. Obviously with a new room/house, new stuff comes. Already, even though its a year away, and no set plans are made, I'm excited about decorating and getting a new style.

Looking at the garage it looks like I through up a mess of tacky items, nasty jewelry, unfashionable purses and clothes, and most of all, A WASTE OF MONEY!

In High School I took a Consumers class. It really made me reconsider how I spend my money. It also made me make a plan of how I will spend my money as an adult. Now that I am working & it's my own money, I feel like a cheep-o, but I'm not gonna waste me money on unnecessary things!

This weekend's garage sale was a good lesson on how valuable my things really are, and what was/is necessary. As I slowly creep into adult hood I need to have a constant reminder that my money is not to be spent on worthless items, but rather on items that are needed and worthwhile. Otherwise in five years I will be here again, selling my crap!

living to learn....

The Deal

Hello Bloggers,


Well, tomorrow at 8 a.m. my family & I set out for Pittsburgh, PA. It's no ordinary family vacation - I am trying out for American Idol.


Never in my life would I ever being doing this without some kind of push. And that push would be Ben Sass. Yes, several other close friends and family have encouraged or brought up the suggestion, but in the end Ben is the one who finally pushed me over that last hurtle.


Back to Junior Year....


It was 2nd semester.  I was enjoying choir more then any other year before. We were all buzzing about the upcoming Musical. It had been announced that that this year we were putting on "Beauty & the Beast". It was a huge deal. There were several roles to fill, and only 40 some in the entire High School. Subtract the athletes,  and the kids who never do anything but come to school (if we're lucky), and we were down to like 25- 30 tops.


I had every intention on trying out for the play. Even though it was only Junior Year, I felt as if it was "my year".. {see older kid phobia blog}. I was going for "Mrs. Potts". Naturally I wanted to have a good time and rock the show too. Sooo, I wanted my friends. My friends were athletes. They played basketball non-stop and when they were not on the court, they were ... who knows. But the point was, not one of them were in choir and not one of them had interest in doing so. I had a little bit of a task ahead of me.


I talked a little "magic" and had most of them on board...all but one. Now one would think "eh, whatever, its only one. His lost.." but he was kind of a deal breaker. If he said no then the rest were sure to follow, despite mine and others pleas.


So that's when "the deal" came about... for months Ben had told me he was going to drag me down to the American Idol auditions, like it or not. I always just smiled and laughed it off knowing all too well he would never do so!


To be honest, I don't know who made "the deal" or how it came about, but one day at lunch it was made. If he tried out for "Beauty & the Beast", I did American Idol. Again, to be honest, when "the deal" was struck, in the back of my mind I had every intention of not fulfilling it.  But the news spread like wild fire and there was no turning back.


The summer following was rough one, but here we are. Senior year completed, started college, and here typing this blog- way too late and not at all prepared for the 8 a.m departure tomorrow. BUT, I'm holding up my end of the deal, just like Ben did.


Up until about an hour ago I was not excited. Trying out for American Idol was always just a "Child Dream" -you know how every little girl has a that dream to be a pop star. Well American Idol was my pop star dream. Something I thought I was capable of doing at the age of 10 {next Miley Cyrus or Justin Beiber} but it never happens, cause God has a different will for us all.


Now the bottom line is, who knows how far this journey will take me, who knows if I am really capable of going somewhere with the God given gift. What I do know is that I am about to embark on a new journey tomorrow. My future is up in the air and for once in my anxiety filled life- it's okay! All because of a deal made in a high school cafeteria,  I am about to take my singing to a hole new level.


It may not be easy, it may not be all the time enjoyable, but it will be a new journey, a new story, a new memory, new experience, and new lesson.


Tonight's blog was not about what I've learned, but what I'm going to learn. My future has been planned and planned again, but tomorrow it all ends and starts, all because of my friend.


On that note, I would like to thank all of YOU who have encouraged me and supported me in EVERY aspect of my singing journey. Without those pushes, encouraging notes, and constructive criticism I would not be where I am in my musical journey. And honestly, I probably wouldn't fulfilled "the deal". Everyone of you have played a HUGE role in my confidence in this God given talent and  given me the experience I have had thus far.  I know that every one of you will continue to be apart of this amazing journey.


This next week will be a whirl wind, I'll be sure to keep you all updated-- go add the "Cayla's American Idol Journey Update" on facebook! LOVE YOU ALL


Cayla Learman {future pop-star ;)}