This past week was my spring break. I did the usual, caught up with friends & worked. The Saturday before the return to regular class, Brandon & I planned to follow our friend, Double J, to his newest gig location to enjoy a night of karaoke. A group of friends & us met Double J and his wife, DeDe, at the hole in the wall bar located in an unincorporated town, Garden Prairie. It felt like a bar my family & I go to up north in Tomahawk. Full of regulars but had the potential to be a good time, something new & different then what we normally do. Our group kicked off karaoke, having a blast. A couple hours into the night & I decided to get some air. I joined the group of smokers outside. Except when I approched them, I could tell the mood had changed. After a few awkward moments of questions it came to my attention that there was a bit of a problem... A few gentlemen inside, complete strangers to us, had been poking fun at me & DeDe... Because we are large girls. At first, I went into fighter mood. I demanded to know who these individuals were & I was ready to confront them. For some reason everyone around me insisted on me not doing that, they would take care of it. Which frustrated me. As kind as it is of them to stick up from, my personality is to deal with issues on my own. These men were making me the center of their jokes, let me react, don't control me. But because other insisted on handling it, I returned to our table. Minutes later I found myself feeling as if every eye in the bar was on me... And not for positive reasons. I began to feel as if I wasn't even able to enjoy myself anymore. I wanted nothing more than to leave the establishment. However, due to my alcohol intake & designsted driver situation, leaving was not an option. Which made me feel trapped. I took a moment to go outside & collect myself. How was it fair that complete strangers in some ho-dunk town could shake me to the core? How was it fair that a group of rednecks shooting off at the mouth could ruin my night out, doing what I love, singing? How was it fair that I was being judged based off my outer appearance? It wasn't... It isn't. These assholes, as they were refered to for the rest of the night, didn't know me, my story, my struggle, my attributes, my life. They were ignorant men with no respect or class. It's been on my mind the last few days. This isn't the first time I've been given a label based on my weight and I'm not ignorant enough to think it will be the last. This is life. But it really bugs me that in 2015 we are still labeling others. Have we as a society not heard enough stories, not witnessed enough horrible acts, not been educated enough to drop the labels & just live life without this idea, this ignorance, that by labeling someone we can some how measure their worth? I'm over it. I over the labels. I'm over the idea that others opinion of me, or anyone for that matter, means anything in the grand scheme of life. I'm over the emotions that come with this labeling. And most importantly I'm over the ignorance. At some point that night, whether it was inner self worth & self respect stepping in, or maybe the alcohol kicking in, I forgot about these men & their comments. I consciously decided to keep having a good time, to enjoy the company around me, to sing, to just be in the moment. I ended my playlist of performance with Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful". Even after intaking more than a few drinks, I belted out that song with more soul & passion then any other performance I had ever done. Sure it was just in some small bar, in some small town, with a small amount of people. But it meant something. It was worth something. Worth way more than the labels these silly, silly men gave us.
http://youtu.be/eAfyFTzZDMM
