Your Dreams
Dreams ... every person has them. You can define them as those odd things you can never quite interpret while you are slowly waking up in the morning. You can define them as the goals and aspirations you have for life. Either way, they are thoughts that give you hope. You hold on to them, all your wishes, goals, and hopes are wrapped up into a little thing called a dream that puts a smile on your face or glimmer of happiness in a dark moment.
What are my dreams?
I had a hard time answering this. My goals? Finish school, find a job that I love and make an impact in, buy a house, have a family. To be a wife, a mother, a friend, an auntie (again and again), an employee, someone's hero. But I know that one day, with hard work and determination, that will all happen.
So what is my dream... I'm not sure. The only thing I could come up with is my dream to sing.
For as long as I can remember I have loved music and loved being able to sing. My first "depute" was in sixth grade at the spring ensemble in school. I presented a song to a my music teacher. She said "alright, you can sing it" ... little did anyone know, even me, I could sing.
From there I did solo's here and there. It wasn't until high school that it really took off and I started singing more and more.
At some point I started leading service at church. Karaoke night at the local bar became my favorite night.
Singing is truly my escape. When I feel like I'm failing at everything, when I have nothing to hold on to, or turn to, I grab a mic and crank a good tune. Just for a few simple moments, I am in my element. I am confident, I am shining.
So I think my dream comes in, that maybe if all else fails, my singing hobby will take off and take me places I could never imagine. If I could live everyday singing I don't think I would have a care in the world ... however, sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. For the time being, I will continue to turn to singing as my escape from reality and work hard to accomplish my goals.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Day 4: Your Siblings
Day Four: Your Siblings
Michael:
Michael is 14 months & 5 days younger than I am. We truly grew up together...we went through the same phases together, we met a lot of the same people, we changed together. We weren't always best friends.
I think at some point we loved each other and loved spending time together, but then Michael realize his sister was bat shit crazy and ran for the hills... We are both so different. I am loud, Michael is shy. I am dramatic, Michael is calm. I am outgoing, Michael is reserved. I tend to fight back, Michael tends to walks away. I am emotional and have no problem telling you how I feel, Michael is not emotional (for the most part) and will never tell you how he feels. We are literally polar opposites. We argue, we mostly insult each other, as young adults- we do not hang out, and usually I say or do something that annoys him beyond belief.
However, don't mess with my little bother. There have been countless times that I have heard someone talking crap about him, or heard how others have treated him. He deals with things differently than I do, clearly, but when I get wind of stuff, I want to flip a table on his behalf. No one is allowed to talk down to him, treat him bad, or make him feel uncomfortable ... except for me. It's the old cliche saying, but that's truly how it is. And even though Michael is not as open or outward about it, there have been times that he has told me "your an idiot for hanging around them" or "just walk away from them, they are not good people" ... My mother has since informed me that this is his way of sticking up for me, looking out for me. So usually when he drops little hints, I (try) to listen.
We may bicker often, but he's my brother, I am his sister. We have bound that most siblings don't. It's appears to be dysfunctional and unhealthy, but it's our bound. And I love him no matter what.
Andrea:
The baby of the family. She is three years younger than I am. We were never close growing up. For some odd reason I always have this memory of Andi in the house with my mom when we lived on Madison street. Maybe because she was still so young. And then when we moved she wasn't in school with Michael & I. Three years does not seem like that big of an age difference, but growing up, it was. We were in different phases of life. We would play together at home, but during the school year, I wash't home during the day.
It was right around the time she was in Junior High that I feel like we started spending more time together. I started driving us to school. Everyday her & I loaded up in the Yukon XL and drove the 30 minute journey up to school. Those are some of my best memories with her. Although we often got into fights or we wouldn't talk, she is not a morning person and I am not an attitude person, I still love the memories. Making fun of other people we have to encounter during the day, singing along to a favorite song, complaining about Mom yelling at us an hour earlier, talking about the happenings of school... we truly bonded.
Again, Andi and I are very different. She isn't as polar opposite as Michael is, but we are different. She is disorganized, I am organized. She is a mess, I am clean. She is always late, I am on time. She dances, I sing. She is always kind to people, even if they are annoying ... and well that's not the case for me. Often times I joke that she has her head on backwards. Our differences make us clash, but there are always those times that we look at each other, from across the room, and know that we are thinking that same exact thing. And bust out laughing.
My siblings & I have never been best friends. We look at others who are attached at the hip with their siblings and laugh. It's just not how we are. But it doesn't change that fact that we love each other. But in the our household, you don't say "I love you" ... you insult them, you throw some sarcasm out there, you do anything offensive to express your love. And if others have a problem with it ... you flip them off. :)
Michael:
Michael is 14 months & 5 days younger than I am. We truly grew up together...we went through the same phases together, we met a lot of the same people, we changed together. We weren't always best friends.
I think at some point we loved each other and loved spending time together, but then Michael realize his sister was bat shit crazy and ran for the hills... We are both so different. I am loud, Michael is shy. I am dramatic, Michael is calm. I am outgoing, Michael is reserved. I tend to fight back, Michael tends to walks away. I am emotional and have no problem telling you how I feel, Michael is not emotional (for the most part) and will never tell you how he feels. We are literally polar opposites. We argue, we mostly insult each other, as young adults- we do not hang out, and usually I say or do something that annoys him beyond belief.
However, don't mess with my little bother. There have been countless times that I have heard someone talking crap about him, or heard how others have treated him. He deals with things differently than I do, clearly, but when I get wind of stuff, I want to flip a table on his behalf. No one is allowed to talk down to him, treat him bad, or make him feel uncomfortable ... except for me. It's the old cliche saying, but that's truly how it is. And even though Michael is not as open or outward about it, there have been times that he has told me "your an idiot for hanging around them" or "just walk away from them, they are not good people" ... My mother has since informed me that this is his way of sticking up for me, looking out for me. So usually when he drops little hints, I (try) to listen.
We may bicker often, but he's my brother, I am his sister. We have bound that most siblings don't. It's appears to be dysfunctional and unhealthy, but it's our bound. And I love him no matter what.
Andrea:
The baby of the family. She is three years younger than I am. We were never close growing up. For some odd reason I always have this memory of Andi in the house with my mom when we lived on Madison street. Maybe because she was still so young. And then when we moved she wasn't in school with Michael & I. Three years does not seem like that big of an age difference, but growing up, it was. We were in different phases of life. We would play together at home, but during the school year, I wash't home during the day.
It was right around the time she was in Junior High that I feel like we started spending more time together. I started driving us to school. Everyday her & I loaded up in the Yukon XL and drove the 30 minute journey up to school. Those are some of my best memories with her. Although we often got into fights or we wouldn't talk, she is not a morning person and I am not an attitude person, I still love the memories. Making fun of other people we have to encounter during the day, singing along to a favorite song, complaining about Mom yelling at us an hour earlier, talking about the happenings of school... we truly bonded.
Again, Andi and I are very different. She isn't as polar opposite as Michael is, but we are different. She is disorganized, I am organized. She is a mess, I am clean. She is always late, I am on time. She dances, I sing. She is always kind to people, even if they are annoying ... and well that's not the case for me. Often times I joke that she has her head on backwards. Our differences make us clash, but there are always those times that we look at each other, from across the room, and know that we are thinking that same exact thing. And bust out laughing.
My siblings & I have never been best friends. We look at others who are attached at the hip with their siblings and laugh. It's just not how we are. But it doesn't change that fact that we love each other. But in the our household, you don't say "I love you" ... you insult them, you throw some sarcasm out there, you do anything offensive to express your love. And if others have a problem with it ... you flip them off. :)
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Relationship Status: In a Relationship with ...
They say you will are only ready for a relationship when you are comfortable with yourself. God will send someone your way when you have come to terms with not needing a man, not needing to be in a relationship, being able to take care of yourself, and be okay with it. I always held onto that. I always believed that.
Last year a majority of my friends were engaged, knocked up, or in a serious relationship. It didn't sadden me in the least to be the single girl. I was enjoying my first year at a University, my first year living alone, my first year drinking- doing the party thing. It was a year of firsts for me, as the last four years have been since graduation. I truly started to feel like an adult. I was learning and changing and maturing, and like I have stated in previous posts, I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was too focused on me. At some point I stopped questioning why God had not led me to caring man. I truly became comfortable with that fact that I could take care of myself, enjoy my life, and function with out a man by my side. I was enjoying life.
My best friend, Abby, decided to have a BBQ in the beginning of August. Originally I was suppose to be out of town, but after a series of events, it ended up that I was not only going to be in the area, but was free to attend her BBQ. There was a large amount of people I knew and loved that were going to be attending the BBQ so I was looking forward to an afternoon and night of fun with my friends. There was a few people there that I knew of, but didn't really know. Of course once the alcohol started flowing I became more open to talking to most of them.
There was one guy there, Brandon, who was good friends with my friend, Katie. She knew him for years. I had seen him at a few mutual events but never really talked to him. This night however, we did. Even after everyone fell asleep we stayed up talking and laughing ... so much laughing.
One of the funniest stories was he owned a huge phone that we called the tablet. After a few too many shots he thought he lost his phone. I called it a few times to see if we could see it light up in the yard in the dark. Turns out it was in his pocket the entire time... more laughter. Maybe a sly move to get my number? I'll never know...
The next day I texted him to ask how he was feeling ... a little sarcasm I like to throw out there when I feel like a million bucks and I know others don't... even more laughing!
We ended up texting all day ... and the next ... and the day after that. At some point I started to get a hunch that this wasn't just friends talking to friends ... I sensed something more. But I was pretty unaware of most cues and inexperienced in the flirting field. I went to our mutual friend, Katie. I said to her ... and I quote ... "Brandon has been talking to me a lot ... what do you think that means" Katie: "It means he's lonely ... He talks to me all the time too" ... my heart sunk at the thought of me reading it wrong and possibly putting myself out there.
Katie, being the girl that she is, called Brandon one morning to question his texting with me ... and from there it became very obvious that I was right... and Katie was wrong :)
I guess the rest is "history" as they say. We continued to get to know each other. Katie was a huge supporter to the both of us.
On Wednesday, August 13th, I met him at a bar in Gilberts, where he lives. We had a few beers and just talked. On Saturday, August 16th, we attended the annual car show on the Woodstock Square with Katie, Tony, Nikki, Abby and the family. My grandparents were there and met him, not even knowing he may be more than a friend... a lot of people that I grew up with were there. I introduced I'm as "Brandon" and that was it. I think that some people caught on ... others didn't.
From that night forward I have been able to call Brandon Rapp my boyfriend. At some point I met his family, he met mine. I met his daughter. Each day we get to know each other a little bit more.
One of the things I love the most about it all, is that it is easy. There is no pressure, no need to change things, no worries. We are both accepting and understanding, and willing to learn and grow together ... but mostly, laugh. Always laugh.
There of course has been some bumps in the road, but just bumps. No hills or mountains. Just minor things that we have come to learn. And for a three month old relationship thats good. Thats what is meant to be. We don't need any big challenges right now, any big testing moments. We are having fun, enjoying each other's company, experiencing "firsts". No big choices need to be made yet, no big obstacles need to be conquered yet. We are taking each day at time.
Looking back on how it all happen, it seems so fast. So rushed. But it never felt like that. It always felt like it was in good timing. And that's what is important. Not meeting anyone else's terms or conditions for us but our own. Doing things when we feel it is right.
I am so thankful for my friends that have supported me and have given me advice when I felt completely lost in this relationship world. I am so thankful to call Brandon my boyfriend, he is an understanding, hard working, accepting, caring, giving man ... so much more then that too...
I praise God for the things going on in my life right now. I ask Him for guidance and console. I am excited for the things ahead for Brandon & I ... and I pray that no matter what happens we always just continue to laugh.
Last year a majority of my friends were engaged, knocked up, or in a serious relationship. It didn't sadden me in the least to be the single girl. I was enjoying my first year at a University, my first year living alone, my first year drinking- doing the party thing. It was a year of firsts for me, as the last four years have been since graduation. I truly started to feel like an adult. I was learning and changing and maturing, and like I have stated in previous posts, I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was too focused on me. At some point I stopped questioning why God had not led me to caring man. I truly became comfortable with that fact that I could take care of myself, enjoy my life, and function with out a man by my side. I was enjoying life.
My best friend, Abby, decided to have a BBQ in the beginning of August. Originally I was suppose to be out of town, but after a series of events, it ended up that I was not only going to be in the area, but was free to attend her BBQ. There was a large amount of people I knew and loved that were going to be attending the BBQ so I was looking forward to an afternoon and night of fun with my friends. There was a few people there that I knew of, but didn't really know. Of course once the alcohol started flowing I became more open to talking to most of them.
There was one guy there, Brandon, who was good friends with my friend, Katie. She knew him for years. I had seen him at a few mutual events but never really talked to him. This night however, we did. Even after everyone fell asleep we stayed up talking and laughing ... so much laughing.
One of the funniest stories was he owned a huge phone that we called the tablet. After a few too many shots he thought he lost his phone. I called it a few times to see if we could see it light up in the yard in the dark. Turns out it was in his pocket the entire time... more laughter. Maybe a sly move to get my number? I'll never know...
The next day I texted him to ask how he was feeling ... a little sarcasm I like to throw out there when I feel like a million bucks and I know others don't... even more laughing!
We ended up texting all day ... and the next ... and the day after that. At some point I started to get a hunch that this wasn't just friends talking to friends ... I sensed something more. But I was pretty unaware of most cues and inexperienced in the flirting field. I went to our mutual friend, Katie. I said to her ... and I quote ... "Brandon has been talking to me a lot ... what do you think that means" Katie: "It means he's lonely ... He talks to me all the time too" ... my heart sunk at the thought of me reading it wrong and possibly putting myself out there.
Katie, being the girl that she is, called Brandon one morning to question his texting with me ... and from there it became very obvious that I was right... and Katie was wrong :)
I guess the rest is "history" as they say. We continued to get to know each other. Katie was a huge supporter to the both of us.
On Wednesday, August 13th, I met him at a bar in Gilberts, where he lives. We had a few beers and just talked. On Saturday, August 16th, we attended the annual car show on the Woodstock Square with Katie, Tony, Nikki, Abby and the family. My grandparents were there and met him, not even knowing he may be more than a friend... a lot of people that I grew up with were there. I introduced I'm as "Brandon" and that was it. I think that some people caught on ... others didn't.
From that night forward I have been able to call Brandon Rapp my boyfriend. At some point I met his family, he met mine. I met his daughter. Each day we get to know each other a little bit more.
One of the things I love the most about it all, is that it is easy. There is no pressure, no need to change things, no worries. We are both accepting and understanding, and willing to learn and grow together ... but mostly, laugh. Always laugh.
There of course has been some bumps in the road, but just bumps. No hills or mountains. Just minor things that we have come to learn. And for a three month old relationship thats good. Thats what is meant to be. We don't need any big challenges right now, any big testing moments. We are having fun, enjoying each other's company, experiencing "firsts". No big choices need to be made yet, no big obstacles need to be conquered yet. We are taking each day at time.
Looking back on how it all happen, it seems so fast. So rushed. But it never felt like that. It always felt like it was in good timing. And that's what is important. Not meeting anyone else's terms or conditions for us but our own. Doing things when we feel it is right.
I am so thankful for my friends that have supported me and have given me advice when I felt completely lost in this relationship world. I am so thankful to call Brandon my boyfriend, he is an understanding, hard working, accepting, caring, giving man ... so much more then that too...
I praise God for the things going on in my life right now. I ask Him for guidance and console. I am excited for the things ahead for Brandon & I ... and I pray that no matter what happens we always just continue to laugh.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Day 3: Your Parents
Well, it's been months since my last blog. So much has changed. Clearly life got the best of me and I was distracted from writing. That's okay, though. I never intended on always writing. Sometimes I feel it, other times I do not. Thats the joy of writing, though, no pressure, no guidelines, no expectations. It's just there for when you feel the need to be wordy and expressive. It's therapeutical in a way ... at least that's how I look at it.
I decided to come back to my writing challenge that I abandoned after only two days.
Day 3: Your Parents
My parents ... years ago I would have said that I was nothing like my parents, all we did was argued and I had no positive relationship with them. But as I have grown and matured, I have truly seen so much more out of my relationship with my parents. I think it also has helped that I have moved out.
I know growing up I was a challenge. I'm loud, I run my mouth, I have almost no filter, I get heated very easily, especially with my family, and usually I don't know when to shut up. I was most defiantly my parents difficult child.
My Mom is the kindest, most sarcastic, hard working, creative woman you will ever meet. She works hard, she helps others, she takes a lot of crap, laughs it off, but do not cross her. I repeat ... DO NOT CROSS HER. She allows people to walk all over her but eventually enough is enough and her inner rage comes out. As kids we would push her buttons... push push push push ... until she lost it. We knew when mom was mad, shit was real. You better scatter.
My Dad is blunt, funny, extremely hard working, intelligent, honest, and a no bullshit kind of person. We often joke that he is "King Shit" or "Mr. Asshole". He can for sure come across as rude, but thats what I love. He is usually spot on with his statements and it all comes back what is right or wrong. He says what most people are thinking but won't say. He doesn't have the time of day for excuses or drama. His language is colorful, he says things that people don't want to hear, and he dose it all with intelligence and a "you know I'm right" kind of attitude... which is often misconstrued as rude... but his heart is large and giving.
I think that I am a mix of both my parents... but the older I get the more I realize my father has worn off on me. Often I will say something to my mom and she will just start laughing... " you sound like your father" is her favorite saying cause she knows I despise it.
Both my parents have always been extremely honest and open with us kids. They expect certain things from us but they don't hide us from the realities of this world. They don't sugar coat things or ignore things. They expect us to make choices for ourselves but that are intelligent and will better our future. They are there for us when we mess up, they stick up for us, but they also tell us when we messed up. They have instilled respect, responsibility, hard work, honesty, and integrity into us kids. They have been open and honest with us and they expect the same from us in return.
We have lived a very blessed life because of the people my parents are. I can't complain about one thing. My needs as a child, teen, and young adult have always not only been met but far passed what we expected. I know I have had it a lot better then other kids I have grown up with, but I also know that my parents haven't given us any hands out. They expect hard work from us, they expect us to take things on for ourselves, they expect us to work hard for what we get, they expect us to adults... slowly. They will always be there for us to fall back on if need be, but they also expect us to take that jump into adulthood. Make sure that we are doing things that will give us a good future.
And for that I am SO thankful!
I decided to come back to my writing challenge that I abandoned after only two days.
Day 3: Your Parents
My parents ... years ago I would have said that I was nothing like my parents, all we did was argued and I had no positive relationship with them. But as I have grown and matured, I have truly seen so much more out of my relationship with my parents. I think it also has helped that I have moved out.
I know growing up I was a challenge. I'm loud, I run my mouth, I have almost no filter, I get heated very easily, especially with my family, and usually I don't know when to shut up. I was most defiantly my parents difficult child.
My Mom is the kindest, most sarcastic, hard working, creative woman you will ever meet. She works hard, she helps others, she takes a lot of crap, laughs it off, but do not cross her. I repeat ... DO NOT CROSS HER. She allows people to walk all over her but eventually enough is enough and her inner rage comes out. As kids we would push her buttons... push push push push ... until she lost it. We knew when mom was mad, shit was real. You better scatter.
My Dad is blunt, funny, extremely hard working, intelligent, honest, and a no bullshit kind of person. We often joke that he is "King Shit" or "Mr. Asshole". He can for sure come across as rude, but thats what I love. He is usually spot on with his statements and it all comes back what is right or wrong. He says what most people are thinking but won't say. He doesn't have the time of day for excuses or drama. His language is colorful, he says things that people don't want to hear, and he dose it all with intelligence and a "you know I'm right" kind of attitude... which is often misconstrued as rude... but his heart is large and giving.
I think that I am a mix of both my parents... but the older I get the more I realize my father has worn off on me. Often I will say something to my mom and she will just start laughing... " you sound like your father" is her favorite saying cause she knows I despise it.
Both my parents have always been extremely honest and open with us kids. They expect certain things from us but they don't hide us from the realities of this world. They don't sugar coat things or ignore things. They expect us to make choices for ourselves but that are intelligent and will better our future. They are there for us when we mess up, they stick up for us, but they also tell us when we messed up. They have instilled respect, responsibility, hard work, honesty, and integrity into us kids. They have been open and honest with us and they expect the same from us in return.
We have lived a very blessed life because of the people my parents are. I can't complain about one thing. My needs as a child, teen, and young adult have always not only been met but far passed what we expected. I know I have had it a lot better then other kids I have grown up with, but I also know that my parents haven't given us any hands out. They expect hard work from us, they expect us to take things on for ourselves, they expect us to work hard for what we get, they expect us to adults... slowly. They will always be there for us to fall back on if need be, but they also expect us to take that jump into adulthood. Make sure that we are doing things that will give us a good future.
And for that I am SO thankful!
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